I take one last look at myself in the mirror, I’m not going to see this face ever again, from the moment I walk away, she will be gone forever…
Recently I have been seeing myself from a different point of view, I always lived in order to impress others, to do what makes others happy, and I discovered that while doing all of that, I lost myself, I lost my happiness. Mom always taught me to help whoever I can, do try to make this world a better place, little did I know that by doing that, I would lose myself.
After losing my job and not being able to continue to further my education, I have been stuck at home, watching movies almost the whole day, waking up late, sleeping at odd hours, eating junk food, reading things that don’t even matter, sitting on social media, I became the laziest person in my household. I applied for vacancies, but we all know that they want some sort of experience or degree, and where was I supposed to get that from? I closed myself from the world, lost contact with friends, stayed in my room almost the whole day, and by the evening only one thought came to my mind “I am the worst daughter in the world.”
I’m sorry mom…
I’m sorry that I couldn’t finish my studies and get my degree.
I’m sorry that you now have to pay for all of my expenses.
I’m sorry that I am not as successful as the other girls in our family.
I’m sorry that I’m not married and you don’t have any grandkids.
I’m sorry that I keep comparing myself to others, even when you tell me not to.
I’m sorry that I gave up…
But I promise, that from tomorrow I will do my best to get a job, to work hard enough so that I can give you a better life.
I promise that I will finish my studies, and you will see me graduate.
I promise that you will see me walk down the aisle, getting married to someone who will respect you as much as I do.
I promise that one day you will play with your grandkids and see them grow up to spoil you.
I promise to ignore others and their accomplishments and focus solely on myself.
I promise to be a better daughter…
I take one last look at the girl in the mirror, it’s time to let her go. From tomorrow there will be a new person, someone with a fresh new haircut, with no makeup and only a smile.
Someone who will not give up again, someone who will always be there to love and help others, but first she has to start with loving herself…
I am a South African blogger. Through my blogs I wish to share my experiences as well as hope to make a change in someone's life.
I hope to help people who have gone through, or are going through, similar hardships as the ones I have unfortunately experienced.